50 Shades of Grey – Book Review
Never one to resist the hype of a good read, or rather the claim of “Mommy Porn,” I downloaded EL James’ 50 Shades of Grey, anticipating an entertaining page-turner, a modern-day love affair (I pictured my grandma’s collection of old romance novels, taking place in the now, equipped with texting and instant messages). Having no further background than the porno reference, I was stunned – shocked – at what waited in the pages before me. Not because of the explicit sex scenes, but rather the terribly underdeveloped protagonist, the unrealistic storyline – and above all else, the bitterly disappointing message this novel sends to all women about the value of love within a relationship.
Please stop meow if you don’t want anything about the plot revealed.
Ana wakes up the next morning in his hotel room – fully clothed – and he asks to see her again under better circumstances. The tension is building. In the following pages, we see a relationship develop, as the wealthy Christian showers her with gifts, such as a laptop and an Audi, as well as his signature lack of emotional availability. Eventually, amid warnings about his own dark secrets, Christian Grey tells Ana who he really is – a sexual deviant who likes to dominate his women into submission – literally. He wants Ana to be his sexual slave, locked under his thumb, required to sign a contract (unenforceable by law), that locks her into a set of rules. The breaking of said rules, according to the contract, is punishable by time in his “Playroom” or mini torture chamber – nothing life threatening, though. Along with this reveal, he asks her to sign an NDA, no doubt to preserve his professional reputation.
And then it’s time for Ana’s big reveal. She is a virgin.
The plot thickens.
Let us now pause to assess the situation: First of all, Ana manages to graduate college without ever being drunk, ever having sex, and without owning a laptop. The last point is what concerns me the most. When Christian buys her a top of the line MacBook, she refers to it as the “mean machine.” Are you kidding me? We have a girl – a virgin – tampering with a guy who wants to get his rocks off by beating the crap out of her – and she is okay with this – but then she refers to a laptop as a mean machine and to Christian as a multi-bagillionaire. Who is this idiot?
Moving on.
The contract has a list of rules that Ana will be required to follow. She must workout, eat regularly, maintain her health and hygiene, wear the clothing he provides, obey his every request, and spend every weekend with him for a period of three months. She also is forbidden to touch Christian or make eye contact with him. The contract is negotiable, so she opts to change the mandated number of workouts from four-times per week to three. This is completely logical, I mean what normal girls wants to touch or make eye contact with her lover anyway?
While the contract is still a matter of discussion, Christian and Anastasia consummate their relationship. Surprise! She has five orgasms the first time. And then dons her hair in pigtails and dances around his kitchen, Risky Business style, while preparing him breakfast. Of course it didn’t make a difference that he had punished her with a spanking. Spoiler alert! Virgins dig that stuff.
In the last 25% of the book, the relationship between the two grows stronger, but more confusing. Ana becomes a bit more believable as James gets her stride in character development and it turns out the Christian has a bit of a soul (gasp!). The most charming and realistic banter between the characters takes place during playful email exchanges, however, the actual dialogue between characters is unrealistic, with the regular use of the words “ill,” “pleased,” and “shall.” For a modern-day romance, the language is flawed and more advanced readers will become impatient with the constant reuse of adjectives and the periodic use of thesaurus synonyms that stick out like a sore thumb. I mean, I would tell my boyfriend that he beguiled me if he asked if he could whip me with a riding crop, too.
The larger issue that this novel presents is that women should never be comfortable offering their bodies to a man that makes it clear he is emotionally incapable of love and perfectly willing to implement capital punishment for eye rolling. Grey is a quintessential predator, Ana his prey, and the plot insinuates that, for the sake of eroticism, this is acceptable. Only at the very end does Ana come to terms with her fate. The final four pages do convince readers to continue with the next book in the trilogy. Mission accomplished, James! However, if they continue remotely in the same fashion as the first, they will leave much to be desired – beyond, of course, a story laced with Mommy Porn.
50 Shades of Grey supposedly started off as fan fiction, based on the Twilight series. While James had every opportunity to create a stronger, more emotionally developed protagonist, she created a world to which the boundaries of sexual delinquency, love, and relationships are blurred beyond distinction. While Twilight is flawed in its writing style, at least the story line paints a picture of loving and committed relationships – something that is completely butchered in 50 Shades of Grey. Being the curious little bird that I am, I will keep reading and will drink again to a wicked storyline that had me flushing crimson on the subway – fingers crossed it isn’t a disappointment, but at least I know what to expect.
I agree. The sex is nothing compared to all of the other stuff going on. Well said.
Seriously, if this is called literature we are all doomed!
oh wow……this is one seriously hot book……burninh with passion as well as innocence ……the story line is amazing…..its not just porn its more ………….there are feelings involved, great characters involved……its a really good book…………
What a disappointment of a book, I think I will stick to my Jackie Collins books at least she has storylines !!!
I find this book a definate page turner, indeed it is an erotic novel but I find the plot, the characters very intriguing…excellent book !
I can’t really seem to find a plot. From one page to the next, it seems to only be more sex scenes. It feels like reading Twilight if Bella had never met a vampire or wolf. Went off to collage, continued being a shy, clumsy, virgin and was intrigued by some wealthy guy with mental issues. I’m glad I read it but only so I would know not to suggest it to anyone. Unless they are seriously into BDSM. I have no clue how they will make this into a movie. It has no actual climax leading to anything other than all Anastasia’s many climaxes.
I agree with this assessment… I thought it was nothing more than someone using sex and the whole BDSM thing to make people buy their books… sad to say most women did just that… I thought it was horrible and the characters where weak as piss… Just my opinion but I hope no one actually spent hard earned money buying these books because they just tossed their dollars into the waste bin… And as far as fantasies go, this was so tame to be almost laughable and no woman on the planet can truly relate to the female character because if they can then they must be very weak indeed…
OMG, I nearly died of boredom reading your synopsis. Thanks for saving me a few bucks and a few hours of my life.
A very crap, poorly written book and totally agree with your review.
It is a sad day in the history of writing when the likes of 50 Shades of Grey emerge. This is so badly written. A TV Executive does not make for a writer. Never mind the lack luster plot, the actual writing is bad. Don’t waste your money on this one.
Boring, terribly-written, predictable, uninspiring – a total waste of time and money. I don’t understand why it become a bestseller, probably thanks to some clever marketing. Anyway, the book is really hopeless, childish and you have a feeling that it was written by some not very bright schoolgirl.
this book is overrated- the author forgot what is like to be a virgin–but Anastasia is so unrealistic–how can a virgin, who doesn’t have a clue how to masturbate when she was still a virgin is sooo good in performing a blow job on her first attempt??? really???
ONE OF THE MOST BORING BOOKS EVER. THE WHOLE STORY COULD HAVE BEEN CONDENSED TO ONE BOOK. VERY VERY REPETITVE.
Totally agree about the protagonist being underdeveloped. I find myself despising Ana the more I read through the book.
I loved all three of these books! I have to say it made me realise how boring my own sex life WAS!! Lol! Many paragraphs are extremely similar and too many words are over used! BUT I can honestly say I couldn’t put the book down! If your buying it make sure and buy the three as you will be dying to move on straight away! I was devastated when I finished the books and felt as though a part of me was lost without them! I finished them 2 weeks ago and I still miss Mr Grey and Miss Steele! I normally read psychology, so it was great to get into something completely different! I would reccommend this book to anyone except for my Mother! All in all it’s a romance story with a bit of dirty sex thrown in! Women will love the play room antics of the two! I really hope another book follows! I’m patiently waiting!
I agree that the author’s overuse of the same adjectives is frustrating, and I, too, wanted to discard the book. But halfway through the 2nd book, it all came together for me. Are we not all complicated humans? Do we not all have a certain degree of baggage? Some heavier than others, of course.
The book was what it was intended to be – entertaining. If you stop after 125 pages, you’ve stopped short.
I do agree, however, that the constant sex, sex and more sex, became redundant and boring.
The inner goddess metaphors were the most humorous parts of the book – loved ’em!
I agreed, initially, but I was halfway into book two before I understood so very much about the characters and appreciated Christian, and all his idiosyncrocies. As the books progress, the sexual themes are less prevalent.
You have to read all 3 to make an accurate assessment.
This is the worst book I have ever read. I perserevered and read them all, under sufferance. It could have been a great story. There were so many scenes that didn’t jell with the theme and so many others that could have been so much more! It seems that with the third book she took a whole load of random scenes and through them down on the paper whilst riding the tube home. I was hoping that they all died in a fiery helicopter crash but my hopes were dashed when it ended up being a Disney ending. Hated it. I feel I should write to the publisher to ask what the hell they we’re thinking? I’m so annoyed I wasted my time.
Please don’t finish it, you’ll only end up hating yourself because of it. I did and now I can’t get that time back I wasted. Burn it. It makes great kindling…
hey where can I read this book online?
people read books n watch movies to get a little time off from their real lives….. this book is a relief from everything stressful that happens around you.
trying to make sense out of a fictional plot is nonsensical…. just sit back n enjoy the damn story…
its an awesome book…. period!
I read all three books within three days loved them, I wish there was more.
Massive waste of time. Are normal people turned on my sadistic, controllling, possessive and emotionless men? Also, very badly written. It was actually aggravating to read.
It really is some preposterous nonsense. Happily, I have written a comedy version, which rips it out of as many of EL James’ terrible word/narrative/characterization choices as I could manage in one hit without getting a nosebleed. Try it, you might like it! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008QNE5S6/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B008QNE5S6&linkCode=as2&tag=modernistdepot-20
Finished the book in a matter of days. I couldn’t put it down. It was good, although some parts were a little repetitive. Everyone needs a Christian!
I loved the 1st book and am looking forward to reading the other two. I could not put it down. There were a few parts that were a little repeitive but other than that a really great book. If people are so offended by it, why did they bother to finish the book?
Couldn’t of said it better myself! If they hated and were so offended by the book, then why did they finish it?
I managed to finish the first book and yeah. I really liked the exchanging of emails scene. Christian Grey is really confusing. If I were Anastasia, I would’ve stayed away from him and won’t agree with his terms. My friends do think that I’m reading some kind of a porn book since I’m an innocent baby. This book removed my innocence. LOL
9.5 Weeks — the movie. That’s all ya got?
I have to agree with all of you. I bought into the hype (even my sister recommended this book) and bought the trilogy. In my opinion the first book was the better of the 3 and that isn’t saying much. Each book is full of ridiculous and repetitive scenarios and banter which are rarely realistic or logical. Personally I don’t even like the protagonists names. Anastasia…Steele…Christian…
And the amount they spent calling each other Mr Grey, Ms. Steele then MRS. Grey…things go dumb sometimes. Often actually.
I feel like I wasted my money
im a 21 year old girl and i have never had sex. i had making out and groping experiences, but in my late teens i became a loner and not only do i have a hard time forming relationships i’m also now completely uncomfortable with physical touch. just saying its not a impossible for a 21 year old to be a virgin like everyone who reviews 50 shades of grey seems to think. i didn’t really like the book though and i’ll not be reading the second.
Its fictional people. A book is suppose to take you into a fantasy! And that is what 50 shades does, and Iam not a avid reader! Simply adored the plot of this book, it got me lost into Chritian and Ana’s relationship! Made me fall in Love with Christian myself, not for all that kinky sex stuff, not into all that…….just the way they treated each other!!!!!! The way they brough out the best in each other and the worst at times! WHAT A GREAT SERIES!
My wife gave having read and enjoyed these books, passed them onto me to read thinking i’d enjoy them. Now i know i’m not the target audience but my god these have to be by far the worst books i’ve ever read. The storyline is about as deep as a puddle, if i ever hear the words inner goddess again i’m gonna break something. The sex scenes were so lacklustre that always finished with Anastasia having another earth shattering orgasm. Anastasia who’s supposedly not intrested in Christian for the money sure loved letting us know the price tag of everything that was bought. E.L James constantly used the same terms multiple times throughout the book, inner goddess, blush crimson etc. Other little things that such as referring to the helicopter as Charlie Tango etc. The whole collection of books just really wound me up, to the point i had to comment. I guess i should have stopped reading them, but i promised the Mrs. Oh what a toil.
Ok how do I begin? HOW CAN I BEGIN??!?! Lets start with the sad pathetic main character. Ana is the most unreal, absurd, and imbecilic character I have ever encountered in a novel. I wanted her to honestly DIE at the end of this trilogy. She is stupid, has never had a computer? Or cellphone?, gets stupidly jelous, lets that bastard treat her like if she is five years old. She gives women a BAD NAME by worshipping a man because he is hot and rich and believes she is in loove with him when they havent even been together for that long. This being said, they keep fighting all the time. She just “loves” him cuz he is richer than God and he is good on the eyes. Also, something that PISSES ME OFF is how rich this stupid bitch author makes him. It is BEYOOOND IDIOTIC. It makes it look ridiculous like if a twelve year old girl wrote fantasized about her perfect man. He buys her everything, even her own car whenever she needs one at whatever time. Has boats, choppers, houses….and he is young…. comon James, you are insulting everyones intelligence by writing this pile of bullshit. I feel OFFENDED by this dumb bitch by writing this disgusting poor EXCUSE for a novel. My thirteen yr old cousin writes better than her. BELIEVE YOU ME! This bitch James can’t even go to thesaurus.com. But OK, all insults aside, I kinda understand this stupid so-called author. A bored married woman with children and no life decides to read stupid bullshit Twilight and is like “OMG I need to write my own novel based on this trilogy but WITH SEX! YEAH! And JUST AS UNREALISTIC AS VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES!” Then she shits this book out her butt. I get it. WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND are the ludicrous people who love this book and create hype over it. People that like this book are ignorant and dont know shit about books or writing techniques. Go back to english class and read some real authors and good literature. Read some Garcia Marquez, Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, Isabel Allende, etc. THESE ARE AUTHORS! This is the real stuff! Real literature! And if you want some sex, then go watch some porn, f*ck your husband or boyfriend, learn Kama sutra or something! I don’t need stupid Fifty shades of shit to feel good about myself or to get horny. Cmon get lives! This is just an example of how stupid and ignorant society has become. Stop watching tv people and become educated. Go get laid, read a good book, and know more about what quality is about in this world. Stupid James is ridiculous I just wanted to tear this book apart but couldnt because I bought it on my Nook. Although I DID contemplate punching my Nook’s screen imagining its Jame’s, Ana’s, and Christian’s FACE and throwing the Nook from my balcony.
I read the 1st and 2nd book and loved them both. I can’t understand why everybody who says they liked the book is called stupid and ignorant (amoung other things) It is just a book. It is fun to read something that would not normally happen in your own day to day life. I will be and look forward to getting the 3rd book this week. I know that I will not hate myself for getting it or feel that it was a waste of time or money–like some of the haters say. Remember that it is fantasy not reality!
I find it amusing that some people do not know the diffrence between “there” and “their”. I also think you need to lube up your apostrophes so you can stick them to their proper places.
The aspects of sex that this review criticizes are simply common elements of bdsm: contract signing, control, spanking… All classic details.
The worst is how bdsm is presented. Doms are apparently mentally disturbed, and the thing that’s so special about Ana is that she’s not a Sub. Subs met in the later books are hardly presented positively.
Oh, and bdsm should never be practised with a virgin as Sub, especially not that early in a relationship. It requires trust (especially with bondage), which could not exist realistically by that point. Plus Christian didn’t remind Ana of the safeword at the ending: which makes him a pathetic Dom, especially as he’s doing something new and extreme.
Ana never consented to almost all of what Christian did. And don’t get me started on how she lost her virginity.
Awful book, insulting depiction of bdsm, a main character with the depth and intelligence of a deflated balloon, and a lead relationship more akin to manipulation and abuse than love.
Bdsm can be part of a loving relationship: but only if consensual. That’s not the case here.
i totally agree with you! people who read this for entertainment are just people so unable to get shagged themselves that they have to read about someone doing it.
You’ve summed this up brilliantly. I thought I was the only one. I got most of the way through book one and couldn’t resist the urge to vomit just thinking about the horrible writing. Thank you for your eloquence.
I just read “Fifty Shades of Grey” and thought it
was pretty good. Almost uplifting. As
I guy, I found it provided a little insight into how women think. If this book
is any indication, then WOW! I had no idea.
Anyway, I can recommend it as a fast and enjoyable read. Except for the ending, which was totally out of character
and exists solely to get you to buy the next book in the trilogy.
Personally, I prefer a story that is self-contained. Also,
being a guy, I prefer guy-oriented erotica. I recently read an e-book entitled
“On My Face, Please” that is just that. An actual story, with
believable characters, that takes you on a fun erotic ride from start to
finish.
I won’t read the second “Grey” book. For the same reason, I won’t go see the
forthcoming “Hobbit” movie, now that I’ve heard that they are going to stretch
it out into three separate movies.
Ok so it’s a coincidence that the guy just happens to be rich and hot, but then a darker side of him is revealed that shows he’s not all perfect; there’s a deeper meaning to it, which is that money can’t always buy happiness, and not to judge some one for how they appear because they may well turn out to be ’50 shades of fucked up’. I first wanted to read these books because i’m very interested in BDSM due to an amazing fanfiction novel i’ve read, but after reading the books its also the relationship i love as well as the steamy sex. And anyway i like books that make me happy in the characterisations, and i must say James hit the spot with Mr Grey and i adore him.
First of all, as is clearly explained in the books, Ana does NOT love Christian just because he is rich. In fact, the point is stressed that Ana feels uncomfortable with his wealth.
Second of all, myself and my boyfriend have a very active sex life, so the point “people who read this for entertainment are just people so unable to get shagged themselves that they have to read about someone doing it.” is just ridiculous. Do you watch porn because you are unable to have sex yourself? No. You watch it for many reasons, mainly because you get off on it, and it’s interesting. Reading is exactly the same.
I appear to be one of the few people who enjoyed all three books, rushed sex scenes aside, and congratulate James on making more money from one book than Stephanie Meyer will ever make with her four.
I have always been turned on by sadistic, controlling, possessive and emotionless men (which is why I gave this ludicrous book half a chance). But this has nothing to do with the fact that the writing is abominable. Trite, repetitive and mind-numbingly lacking in originality, the characters impossibly soulless, and the author, whose heroine applies for a job in editing, for christ’s sakes, doesn’t appear to have humbled herself to exclude a single hackneyed phrase from what is merely one extended collection of nausea-inducing cliches. A proper editor would have got rid of 95 percent of her Holy shit!s Holy fuck!s and all her other insulting and superfluous italics.
“Besides the sex, the book does not have much to offer?” Sorry, but the sex is even more boring and cliched than the rest of the book. An attractive virgin who gets to 21 without even masturbating? Who splits into a thousand fragments each time right from the get-go? This “mother of two author” is living in cloud-cuckoo land. But yeah, she should either read her own book for eternity, or donate all its proceeds to a charity for writers who really can write but can’t get any hype.
Young women (and older women) have every right to read about dominant men wielding whips and crops and so forth if they wish to. The only disturbing thing about these poorly written reams of crap is that they managed to get published without being edited. Get off your feminist high horse “freespirit(????) and realise that role-play in sex is fun, not unlike kids playing goodies and baddies etc. Personally, I would have found Christian Grey a little more credible if he’d had a hooked nose or ugly chin or SOMETHING human about him.
I’m on the 2nd book and it’s become one of those things where you’re not very interested in what’s going on but you’re committed to seeing it through to the end. To save myself the effort, I went on youtube and found people to read the book to me.
REPETITIVE: Every sex scene, argument, doubt, explanation, “moment of revelation” has been milked dry. It’s like beating a dead horse.
Ana doubts, then Ana questions, Grey gets uncomfortable, Ana cowers, bites her lip, they have sex.
That’s pretty much the gist of the trilogy. Everyone once in a while they’ll throw in a momentous occasion to move you along, but nothing sums this up better than calling it an eight track tape on repeat.
ANNOYING: Despite the amount of cr@p settled beneath Mr. 50 Shades, Ana so happens to be the most irritating of the two. It could possibly be that we sit in her head for over 3000 pages watching as she argues any and every thought known to man kind giving me the strong urge to throw her out of Charlie Tango.
OVERDONE: Grey is filthy rich at the ripe age of 27. No inheritance, just plain hard work. Interestingly enough I haven’t seen him do much to merit such accomplishments since they introduced his character. EVERY man wants Ana as if she’s some glowing ball of sunshine that suddenly came into her own once she lost her virginity. I find it hard to believe someone could be THAT desirable yet also be so far gone from reality that she went computer-less, phone-less, and sex-less. One or the other, yes. All three…. doubtful.
There’s nothing wrong with never having had sex at your age, and I think everybody knows there are plenty of people who haven’t. Usually, what’s criticized about this is Ana, who’s been basically asexual (and entirely non-masturbatory) her entire life, suddenly being attracted to this one… guy… and turning into an orgasm machine. Which is… *eye twitch* …just… I don’t even.
She didn’t say anything about BDSM, Vivianna. Not a freaking word. It’s the insane, psychotic relationship in which it’s framed.
Every single actual, honest-to-God member of the BDSM community I know or have spoken to are apathetic about this series at best. Most hate it. For one thing, it wrongly (but very clearly) portrays their fetish as a psychological problem. For another, this is incredibly tame material to them. And another, some of them, even subs, are – surprise! – feminists, and they think this relationship is idiotic and horrible, too.
In other words, people who’re actually into BDSM are at the top of the list of people who’re screaming bloody murder about this crap. I’ve yet to believe a single person online who’ve told me they’re into both BDSM and this book.
Far more likely, you, like the rest, are looking for a way to accuse women who’ve got a problem with this of being bigots. Guess what, sister; it’s the book that’s bigoted against fetish people, and that’s part of the problem.