I go down into the cool basement where

I go down into the cool basement where

the open foundation peers out of the walls

upstairs she's sleeping, beautiful and

uncomplicated, in a dream I'll never know

my cats want to know what happened

what can I say to them?

I'm sorry, I went back to smoking . . .

don't come down here, I want to be alone

my work is fulfilling but

there is something the size of a needle

it rents a hole inside my brain, a tunnel of worry

air escapes and makes things cold

I used to have that control

things to keep me busy, a goal, some bright idea

countless directions and possibilities

the reason why I came down here tonight

I had a meaning,

a strong sense of knowing

but now I just shiver from the dropping temperatures

and wait for the old spirit of wonder to make me feel better

the basement is a blunt place

to awaken the soul

so what was it I came down here for?

the future has no home,

it looms like a pendulum, moving

from desire to desire, and back to

love, time-honored

my teeth sink deeper into a bed of gums

I'm growing old, and in my house

like guests, they come and go

they smile, nod, give encouragement

I return to this

rhythm of exhaustion.

CRA 1/28/10